tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42008328325456544182024-03-13T23:41:24.938-04:00Cavalcade of PerversionsHorror, Exploitation, Weird StuffJennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.comBlogger265125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-8061236998706159622014-07-09T19:21:00.001-04:002014-07-09T19:21:15.609-04:00Hi! <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-58185499549798738232013-09-28T00:24:00.001-04:002013-09-28T00:24:49.292-04:00Oh my goodness, how long has it been? Decades? I hate it. I want to blog again and tell you all of the movies I've watched and how awfully wonderful and wonderfully awful they are. I want to regale you with the tales of my VHS collecting and the antics of my millions of cats. I sometimes get tattoos and I want to tell you all about that too. There's so much to catch up on! So many drinkin' stories and opinions on stuff and 'tis the season and all. I'm gonna catch up with you all, that's what I'm going to do. Let's do that Horror Movie Challenge thing we sometimes do in October and get me back to into my blog groove. What say you? <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-1750090481167354562012-12-09T20:15:00.000-05:002012-12-09T20:15:25.826-05:00RIP PaulHas it really been over three years since my Paul passed away? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-33052570139930403982012-12-09T20:06:00.001-05:002012-12-09T20:06:48.373-05:00Happy Fishmas! Perverts! I miss you! I'm still watching movies and drinking and fucking shit up like I always do! I'm bartending my face off and still teaching school and hanging out as is my custom. I'm getting ready to have my Christmas horror movie marathon and I'm also headed out to Vail, Colorado for a week or so to see if I wanna move there. I don't know how the snow will fare with my six inch platform boots and my glitter and my furry leopard coat, but we'll see. It seems kinda crunchy for my punk rock taste, but whatever. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Life is okay and I'm up to eight cats now. Work continues to be work and movies continue to be movies. I'm looking forward to Cinema Wasteland in April as Bill from <a href="http://www.radiationscarredreviews.com">Radiation Scarred Reviews </a>has booked a bunch of us a room. I'm stoked on meeting everyone in person and getting back in my blogging groove. Put on your tacky Christmas sweaters, pour some wine, and get those SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT VHS tapes poppin' Love you guys. Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-37833647960721006152012-07-16T19:06:00.003-04:002012-07-16T19:07:58.037-04:00Jordan Krall's PENETRALIAHey perverts. Question. Or rather questions, plural. How much do you like mad science?How do we all feel about incest? Ever thought about a giraffe riding a bicycle? Plague doctors are pretty cool, no? Ever seen an Andy Milligan film?
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If you think about this stuff like I do, and wanna have your mind BLOWN, you should DEFINITELY FUCKING READ JORDAN KRALL'S NEW BOOK, PENETRALIA. I did, and let's just say, I think it's my new favorite thing. APOCALYPSE DONKEY was one thing, and will always hold a special place in my heart forever and ever, but PENETRALIA rocked me like a hurricane.
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It's the story of brother and sister Philip and Elizabeth, who have a very intimate relationship, in more ways than one, in that they are carrying on their father's 'work' and also have sex with one another, even though Philip is undoubtedly gay. And while I don't want to give way to too much plot, because I don't like doing that when I talk about Bizzaro, let's just say things get pretty messy, anachronistic, and trippy. All in a good way. All in a GREAT way.
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Jordan has this way of just making me love his stuff. It's everything I love about the sleazy cinema, Lovecraft, horror in general, and, I might be wrong, and this is just my take, I got a little Alejandro Jodorowsky off this one. All good stuff.
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Read this book. I'm always telling you guys to read more and you don't do it. Why? I'm going to give you all a spanking....Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-48122616165481906752012-05-31T01:48:00.001-04:002012-05-31T01:48:23.529-04:00Tentacle Death Trip<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've sung bizarro author <a href="http://cavalcade-of-perversions.blogspot.com/2011/12/beyond-valley-of-apocalypse-donkeys.html">Jordan Krall's</a> name in these hallowed halls of perversion before and yes, I'll sing them once again, for I have just finished his latest novel, TENTACLE DEATH TRIP. It might seem a little over the top, but yeah, I'm wearing the <a href="http://skurvyink.com/?p=850">t-shirt of the cover art</a> while I write this. Hey, when I like something, I REALLY like something. Hence the copious amounts of tattoos and cats. Anyway...
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<br /></div>Do you like DEATH RACE 2000? What about LOVECRAFT? MAD MAX? ACCION MUTANTE? Fast cars, ultra-bitchy women with pink sledgehammers, biomechanical violence from beyond any sort of experience? How about the occult? Sex slaves? Cross-dressing sex slaves? No? Oh well. Your loss. Read on.
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TDT is the story of five drivers hired by the mysterious Mr. Silver, the last millionaire in the post-apocolytic world of New Jersey. Samson, the loner hellbent on finding his son after losing him to bikers ten years previous, Gabby, the aforementioned cunt with the pink sledgehammer, Mama Hell, a Christian fat ass in a mini-van who wears a vest of tattooed human flesh, Junko, a former cross-dressing Asian sex slave in a beat-up Honda Civic, and Drac Dunwhich, a strange glass-skulled maniac who drives a sentient tentacled car.
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It's a fight to the death as these five take on the apocalyptic landscape of 2025 New Jersey. Tooth tornados, poisonous crabs, cannibal zealots, the evil Lord Bing Bong, marauders, nuclear mutants, and all sorts of other atrocities, leading them all to the city of R'lyeh. Truly terrifying, but somehow captivatingly beautiful in its horror.
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The weirdos and madmen that populate the Wasteland account for most of the entertainment here. The plot is very simple - a race to the death, winner gets all the food and gasoline he or she wants, plus a nice place to live without chaos. The novel, however, is very character driven, and it's in our specific getting to know each of the characters and what drives them is what makes this the most fun. I guess you could say that about most any character driven work, but here, it's very true. The characters are damaged, fucked up, insane, and have had to endure atrocities unlike any worst nightmare. Why not race to the death for one last chance at salvation (of sorts)?
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I've probably said this before after reading each new Krall release, but it warrants repeating - I think Krall is at his absolute finest here. He's written a very tight and entertaining novel populating it with all the things I love about weird movies, Lovecraft, religious satire, and ultra-violence, amongst many other things too copious to mention. The homage is a the ultimate compliment and here it is has become the ultimate art form. Whether he's trying to gross you out or trying to get you to think, he's on point here. I've never come across an author with such similar sensibilities to my own. It's like, how do you get inside my head and make all this great writing come out in this way? I know I haven't really done it justice here, but I'm humbled by it nonetheless.
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Read this novel.
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-67133811712387617632012-05-17T22:44:00.001-04:002012-05-17T22:44:38.383-04:00Hood Rat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Ok, so HOOD RAT (2002) only gets a star and a half on Netflix and it is terribly, excruciatingly difficult to get through. It's disjointed, cheap, makes no sense, and is terribly cliche and bordering on offensive, but that isn't to say it wasn't fun, fun, fun. While billed as a killer rat movie, HOOD RAT is a more character driven narrative about the residents of the Forest Tower projects in Atlanta. There's Max (Isaiah Washington), the homeless can collector turned pied piper (we'll get to that in second), Max's wheelchair-bound alcoholic brother, Courtney, building 'manager' and hustler pimp wannabe, Grady (played by a scenery chewing Ice T), Max's love interest, Nina, Nina's piece of shit boyfriend, an old couple ('we've lived in this building thirty-five years!'), a crazy one-eyed ex-solidier named Satan, and some various other assorted stereotypes and such populating this ghetto.
In the opening scene, a crack smoking exterminator who carries his chemicals and whatnot in a Crown Royal bag tied to his waste, a charming little detail to be sure, is completely devoured by a million CGI rats. The whole thing takes place in a warehouse nee banquet hall and once said exterminator is eaten, the cops haven't the slightest clue as to what happened. And this being the ghetto and everyone smoking crack, the police aren't too inclined to believe any killer rat stories, anyway.
Although the opening is hilariously over-the-top in trying to be as ghetto as possible ('who let the rats out?'is said at least twice), it doesn't set the tone for what's to come. What follows are some depressing scenes that take place every day in the projects - hustling for drugs, crack smoking, domestic violence, and the overall squalor of the conditions in which hundreds of people spend their daily lives. The movie is cheap, but these scenes are surprisingly effective. Max and Courtney elicit sympathy in their portrayal of the two brothers and the rest of the cast does a decent job, although I don't think many of the roles call for that much range. Still, it helps lend a decent bit of credibility.
After the setup, we meet slumlord Bernard, a Haitian-born capitalist who is sentenced by a judge to spend a month in Forest Tower so he can see how he allows his tenants to live. Bernard is a complete piece of shit, walking around with his cane and assistant carrying an umbrella as to not soil his tidy dreadlocks and expensive suit. He's pretty pissed the judge sent him to live here, but he's going to make the best of it by inhabiting the best apartment and installing up to the minute security around the building.
That's when the rats start showing up. You know. Those fuckers from the epic opening sequence. For real this time. Time to see everything through rat-o-vision.
After a series of events (they are all literally that boring and none of them good), Max frees a rat from a trap in an alley. He names the rat Tara and they become bonded. And by bonded, I mean he can now completely understand Tara and have her do his bidding. And by bidding I mean he can command all the rats in all the projects to kill those that deserve it at his discretion and in semi-creative ways. There's a magic stick involved and some maybe voodoo turn of events, but I might have made up the voodoo part because there IS NO OTHER WAY TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS.
As you can probably imagine, everyone that deserves comeuppance gets it (Grady, Bernard, Nina's BF, etc.) and we actually do sort of cheer Max on. He's clearly in his element, holding the rat, petting her fur, being all menacing and vindictive and shit. It's when the rats kill pretty Nina that Max goes completely off the fucking deep-end, a far cry from his calm and cool demeanor when he was in command of Tara and company. The whole thing ends in a big fiery mess, flames and shit and dead rats everywhere. There's even a hint at a sequel, although it's very very far-fetched. I think there might even be a HOOD RAT 2, but I don't care right now.
Let's recap. There's Ice T, rats that can do a homeless man's bidding, a drunk in a wheelchair, a guy that gets killed on the toilet when the rats come up through the sewer (sorry, didn't mention that one before), plenty o'crack smoking, a Haitian slumlord, rat-o-vision, stock footage, a tweaking exterminator with a Crown bag, and Ice T. I know I mentioned that several times, but seriously, he's like a ramped up version of every character he's ever been typecast as. It's hilarious.
It ain't no fucking Citizen Kane, but I don't really want Citizen Kane when I get off work at two in the morning, ya know?
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-2705178214500237472012-04-18T13:37:00.004-04:002012-04-18T13:48:55.287-04:00Double Agent 73<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IPFTbo-3USE/T47-X5OECNI/AAAAAAAAA88/O9NhDi0Jd3k/s1600/MV5BMjgzMTk1ODE0Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTAyNDQzMQ%2540%2540._V1._SY274_CR8%252C0%252C184%252C274_.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 184px; height: 274px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IPFTbo-3USE/T47-X5OECNI/AAAAAAAAA88/O9NhDi0Jd3k/s320/MV5BMjgzMTk1ODE0Nl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTAyNDQzMQ%2540%2540._V1._SY274_CR8%252C0%252C184%252C274_.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732799062139472082" /></a><br />There's much to love about Doris Wishman's sleazy parody of the spy film. So let's just get right to it, shall we? <br /><br />1. The overly busty Chesty Morgan plays special agent Jane Renee. She's basically a ramped up fetishist's dream. Her tits are GI-normous, she has a relatively attractive face, although she does kinda look like a day-shift, about to be past her prime, stripper. Luckily, I love almost past their prime day shift strippers. <br /><br />2. She can take pictures with her boobs via an implanted camera. She also uses them as weapons, in slow motion, no doubt. <br /><br />3. Her shoes are fantastic! Platforms and towering heels. I also love the lingering shots of them. (This is sort of a Wishman signature - as I've seen the lingering feet shot in several of her films.)<br /><br />4. The line 'you'll never get away with this!' Easily one of my favorite lines to hear in anything. <br /><br />5. An anonymous heroin ring, fronted by a guy with a HUGE birthmark on his face and fake Russian accent! Anonymous!<br /><br />6. Exploding lipstick. <br /><br />7. Mad-cap car chases. <br /><br />8. An overall blatant disrespect of the law. <br /><br />9. Leopard wall paper and zebra sheets! Was this filmed in my house? <br /><br />10. Death by earring, phone cord, and ice cube choking (three different deaths). <br /><br />11. A pretty violent shower stabbing. <br /><br />12. Plenty of mustachioed, Jess Franco-lookalike villains. <br /><br />13. And her tits are also poisonous. <br /><br />If you are uninitiated to Wishman yet, this might be a hilarious way to get you going. Literally.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-50940653766332154462012-03-07T14:37:00.005-05:002012-03-07T14:42:16.929-05:00RIP Divine<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YP_DdMVRgHw/T1e5wL36afI/AAAAAAAAA8w/owK6XDeB2d4/s1600/divine_372x280.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YP_DdMVRgHw/T1e5wL36afI/AAAAAAAAA8w/owK6XDeB2d4/s320/divine_372x280.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5717242489442298354" /></a><br /><br /><br />Today marks the passing of the greatest entertainer in the history of the world (and I'm really not being dramatic either), Glenn Harris Milstead, the mighty Divine! It's been 24 years since Divy suffered a heart attack before he was supposed to make his mainstream television debut on MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. The story goes that after he died (in his hotel room where he was waiting to go show), the producers sent a bouquet to his funeral with a card that read, 'If you didn't want to be on the show, you could have just told us.' I think he would have liked that. Long live DIVINE!!!!!!<br /><br />Now go watch FEMALE TROUBLE. It's my favorite.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-57703884914397385602012-02-24T01:44:00.002-05:002012-02-24T01:49:12.048-05:00RIP Lina Romay<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9fPMcWM-dic/T0cyzafZF7I/AAAAAAAAA8k/3D1IR4YD96U/s1600/10400898_ori.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 278px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9fPMcWM-dic/T0cyzafZF7I/AAAAAAAAA8k/3D1IR4YD96U/s320/10400898_ori.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5712590511208470450" /></a><br /><br /><br />The sexploitation film world will never be the same. May you go on to make countless more women-in-prison and lesbian vampire movies in heaven.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-27417258957815107432012-02-18T00:52:00.002-05:002012-02-18T01:05:22.327-05:00Hello, perverts! How the fuck are you? Me, I'm wonderful. Just got back from Chicago after seeing Motorhead and Megadeth and my wonderful girlfriends from grad school. It was epic and cold and drunken and amazing and I wish I never had to come back. Except that the snow is not for me. Can't stand it. I like it cold, but not that cold. I just don't look as cute under twenty million layers of clothes. <br /><br />I've been watching and reading all kinds of crap and non-crap. It has all been making me pretty happy. I read Adam Blomquist's novel, TRIBESMEN, and loved that shit exponentially. If you love Umberto Lenzi's cannibal movies, you will love the hell out of this. Murder and mayhem and cannibalism and hot chicks (use your imagination, as it is a novel), and blood and all sorts of horror in-stuff, you'll fucking love it. <br /><br />Bizzaro fiction is the shit and I've recently read Andersen Prunty's HI, I'M A SOCIAL DISEASE, which aside from having an amazing cover, is a great fucking collection. I'm also mid-way through D. Harlan Wilson's THEY HAD GOAT HEADS, which is freaking me out because it's so on point and in tune with everything that I deem awesome, so word. <br /><br />Movie-wise, just as good, non-good. TUCKER AND DALE VS. EVIL was charming, my second viewing of FRANKENFISH was everything I hoped for, and I'm patiently awaiting the arrival of HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2. <br /><br />I changed all the cats' names to Todd and I need more wine. I love you all, you perverted fuckers. Look for my reviews of some Jean Rollin and some stupid SyFy stuff coming up in the next couple of days.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-77418011742821275812012-02-03T02:16:00.002-05:002012-02-03T02:22:07.417-05:00Contest!I will give you two amazing shirts from T-Shirt Bordello if you can tell me at least TEN books you read in 2011. I want you fuckers to read more and if you don't believe me, I have suggestions! I will send you books! Don't have kindle? Download that shit on your phone. I read over 212 books last year and this is by no where near a record or anything and I'm not bragging. I read two books today. So tell me what you've been reading. Win horror t-shirts. At my complete discretion. Go here....http://eraserheadpress.com/ you like weird shit. Or hit me up. I have copies. Yee!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-78384155130883990532012-01-17T18:27:00.003-05:002012-01-17T18:29:23.393-05:00Bat Boy Lives!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A4sK4kc_dX0/TxYEN63hdzI/AAAAAAAAA8Y/NKSCTtMoSoo/s1600/2012-01-17_15-41-37_906.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 181px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A4sK4kc_dX0/TxYEN63hdzI/AAAAAAAAA8Y/NKSCTtMoSoo/s320/2012-01-17_15-41-37_906.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698747015670888242" /></a><br /><br /><br />In tattoo form. On my foot. My foot is now one hundred percent more badass that it was this morning. Although this was really, really hard to get done and I'm not feeling so hot right now. It's worth it.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-58159674173054922392012-01-15T00:55:00.002-05:002012-01-15T01:01:00.315-05:00Let The Fake Friend InI have joined the<a href="http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100002899203050"> facebook </a>universe. Be my friend. I talk about movies and books sometimes. Be my friend. Oh god, please be friends with me for the love of god oh god im going to put some red lipstick on and then put a pantyhose over my head if you don't be my fucking friend on book face. AHHHHHHHHJennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-34093947078380339882012-01-04T00:12:00.004-05:002012-01-04T00:27:41.507-05:00T-Shirt BordelloThe very gracious Don (of the dead) over at <a href="http://www.tshirtbordello.com/">T-Shirt Bordello</a> sent me some shirts! What a sweetie! I think you guys will dig his stuff, lots of snarky plays on our favorite horror movies, Lovecraft, zombies, and other nerd-ery. And the shirts look fucking awesome - nice screen prints, cool color, and very professional-looking. Check me out in the <a href="http://">HOMICIDER</a>, their take on my favorite masked psycho. <br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5L2Yiz9wc9Y/TwPhwRHEIII/AAAAAAAAA8A/VuZnDSDn4qA/s1600/Photo%2B89.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5L2Yiz9wc9Y/TwPhwRHEIII/AAAAAAAAA8A/VuZnDSDn4qA/s320/Photo%2B89.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693642573269442690" /></a><br /><br />I love how they blend slasher with drinking. Could that get any more perfect? <br /><br />Secondly, here I am in their <a href="http://www.tshirtbordello.com/Cthulhu-T-Shirt">Cthulhu </a>shirt. I love how this one could almost be the shirt for a metal band. But it's still awesome sans band logo. And this is my very first Lovecraft shirt. Excellent (rubbing hands together ala Mr. Burns)! <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2cHbzrvh3ww/TwPiPuOob5I/AAAAAAAAA8M/UN7lK7OR9_g/s1600/Photo%2B90.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2cHbzrvh3ww/TwPiPuOob5I/AAAAAAAAA8M/UN7lK7OR9_g/s320/Photo%2B90.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693643113661755282" /></a><br /><br />These will definitely make it into my regular t-shirt rotation as soon as I cut the necks out. (I do that with all my shirts. I prefer that off-the-shoulder look.)<br /><br />So go check out T-Shirt Bordello right now! Tell them I sent ya! And I haven't done a contest in awhile. Hmmm....Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-91280670391636043322012-01-01T01:03:00.003-05:002012-01-01T01:10:34.846-05:00Happy New Year, Assholes!So I went to work tonight and it was slow as HELL because we didn't do any kind of New Year's thing, which was fine by me, but also very boring. I got off early-ish and proceeded to drink up all the champagne in the bar, as well as most of the Absolut Ruby Red. We toasted that stupid shit (New Year's Eve = Amateur Night) and then scootered home to drink some wine (also pilfered from my bar) and post this crap. Happy 2012, perverts! May your whole fucking year be filled with lots of horror movies, both good and bad and bad in a good way, plenty of cats, and tattoos. Oh, I'm going to get so many tattoos in 2012. Just y'all wait. Just y'all wait. And take a cab. No DUI's, okay?Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-12569401633193745362011-12-29T15:10:00.003-05:002011-12-29T15:20:42.106-05:00Happy Blog-Day to Me!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-u4bDf0aZvIY/TvzLf0-4-OI/AAAAAAAAA70/SvZUczKDxw0/s1600/TheShame.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 174px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-u4bDf0aZvIY/TvzLf0-4-OI/AAAAAAAAA70/SvZUczKDxw0/s320/TheShame.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5691647776748271842" /></a><br /><br /><br />It's been three years since the inception of the Cavalcade! Lots of booze, cats, Naschy, sleaze, horror, tattoos, and cats to come in 2012!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-82603965434338602372011-12-27T13:52:00.005-05:002011-12-27T13:57:55.443-05:00Gifts! Stuff!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zyg9Lf6yQgQ/TvoUql80wyI/AAAAAAAAA7o/UiVCxdXsIBs/s1600/IMG_0574.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zyg9Lf6yQgQ/TvoUql80wyI/AAAAAAAAA7o/UiVCxdXsIBs/s320/IMG_0574.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5690883801110332194" /></a><br />I got a Don Post Tor Johnson mask and a copy of A SERBIAN FILM for my Christmas. We took turns wearing it while eating a giant delicious pasta and then Sam had to go elsewhere during THAT scene in the movie. A good day after Christmas, if I do say so.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-37432348863478226742011-12-24T16:34:00.003-05:002011-12-24T16:44:14.369-05:00Merry Fishmas!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rowmxe-dKQ8/TvZHmx7faVI/AAAAAAAAA7c/ey2zoeow_jM/s1600/HC_holiday.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 149px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rowmxe-dKQ8/TvZHmx7faVI/AAAAAAAAA7c/ey2zoeow_jM/s320/HC_holiday.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5689813910792661330" /></a><br /><br /><br />Merry Fishmas, perverts. We just ordered pizza and started drinking! Take a good look, <a href="http://fooligansrevenge.blogspot.com/">Sam</a>, because this is the most sober I am going to be for the next forty eight hours or so. We'll be cooking, eating, baking, and drinking long into the night tonight. Hopefully Krampus won't come and take us to Spain. I'd hate to leave the cats on Christmas. <br /><br />Everyone have fun!!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-18280181509549531652011-12-22T23:20:00.005-05:002011-12-22T23:52:23.342-05:00Beyond the Valley of the Apocalypse Donkeys<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p_NZvfAk6UI/TvQIa18mpYI/AAAAAAAAA7Q/0mtsIpV534s/s1600/ApocDonkeys.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p_NZvfAk6UI/TvQIa18mpYI/AAAAAAAAA7Q/0mtsIpV534s/s320/ApocDonkeys.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5689181486526670210" /></a><br />I'm obsessed with Jordan Krall's BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS. Obsessed. I've been a fan of Krall's since I picked up his filthy, sleazy, crazy, pulpy, ode to New Jersey and film noir, SQUID PULP BLUES. I adored his Lovecraftian pornographic love letter, PIECEMEAL JUNE. And the yellow-y Spaghetti western goodness that is FISTFUL OF FEET. I wanna get a dog and name it Fauntleroy 'Little Bing Bong' LeRoux, such is my love for Jordan Krall's work. But before I start drinking his bath water, let me try to put into words why I love these fucking books so much. <br /><br />BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE APOCALYPSE DONKEYS is...well, maybe I should talk about what it contains, rather than what it is, specifically. It's got a nudist colony, a giant green hummingbird, a much sought after rare VHS of a strange film, incomplete childhood memories, murder, voyeurism, plenty of violence, a naked donkey-masked woman (and later, women, plural), a washed-up old daredevil, the corruption of marriage, sex, and pancakes, plenty of pancakes, plain and blueberry. <br /><br />All these things are great alone (come on, pancakes and sex and rare films!?) - put them together in Krall's slummy New Jersey universe and you have fucking gold, my friends. And if you have a thing for boobs, which I know you do, you get plenty of boobs here, too. Bonus. <br /><br />But it's not all fetishes and weird shit. Although really it is, and then some. There's some real homage going on here and if you possess the same sensibilities, it's easy to see where and what Krall is channeling. But he does it in a way that is solely his own, creating what is not merely homage, but an amalgamation of all the things I love into something completely new and even more bizarre. There's a variety of influences/references - David Lynch, Russ Meyer, Tim Lucas' THROAT SPROCKETS, Tarantino, Hitchcock, melodrama, film noir, John Waters, giallo, old school VHS culture, and SMALL fuckin' WONDER. And to think there's time for donkeys! Or at least, donkey-masked women! If that could be considered an 'at least.'<br /><br />I haven't given you much to go on really, which I'm okay with. Because I'm half-way through my second reading and I'm still actually trying to still make sense of it all. could say it's part mystery or part love story, but isn't everything? I've ordered the t-shirt and I'm going to wear it while I try to figure out what it is that needs figuring out, or if I don't, that's okay too because I like the getting there. Although I hear Jordan is renouncing this whole noir crime horror writing thing and focusing on foot fetish erotica. I'd still read it and probably not hate it. I'd probably really like it a lot. And it probably wouldn't be too different from his other work. Less squid maybe? <br /><br />Buy this fucking book now! You need to read more books, anyway.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-78056720937536334512011-12-14T20:27:00.003-05:002011-12-14T20:29:04.361-05:00New Tattoos!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i09kra0mJH8/TulNLD69TCI/AAAAAAAAA7E/Kf1UjUscnOM/s1600/Photo%2B75.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i09kra0mJH8/TulNLD69TCI/AAAAAAAAA7E/Kf1UjUscnOM/s320/Photo%2B75.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686160856958454818" /></a><br /><br /><br />Sam and I got our first matching tattoos (with each other) tonight! Now that's how to celebrate the fucking holiday season, yo!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-4208806097746445382011-12-04T20:27:00.003-05:002011-12-04T20:39:56.508-05:00It's an alien! It's a breach birth!<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxRkyODJOsu3VDpICZggdkrdHtyH5N22-M6ngVyK_sBDhGP1EOJkd0GhVbUH6rl3fWRv1X2Me32_SB7q11IOw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-55337279215255066452011-11-30T09:27:00.007-05:002011-11-30T10:32:43.532-05:00RIP Paul Naschy/Vengeance of the Zombies<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iPC2dveAhcM/TtZKw8hgQBI/AAAAAAAAA64/xIxYEzRdKJA/s1600/Vengeance%252Bof%252Bthe%252BZombies.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iPC2dveAhcM/TtZKw8hgQBI/AAAAAAAAA64/xIxYEzRdKJA/s320/Vengeance%252Bof%252Bthe%252BZombies.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680810184715288594" /></a><br />It's been two years to the day since Paul's passing and I'll be cliche and say there isn't really a day that goes by where I don't think of him. He's all over my walls, on my t-shirts, tattooed on my forearm, in my copious DVD and VHS collection, and basically just in my heart all around. <br /><br />So in honor of the great cinematic force to be reckoned with, the Mighty Molina, I sat down with Leon Klimovsky's (!) VENGEANCE OF THE ZOMBIES (1972) for the fourteenth or so time in order to present my thoughts for you here. <br /><br />The film opens true horror fashion in a cemetery at night, with the two caretakers, husband and wife August and Flora, arguing over how to procure their living. Seems to be these two are grave-robbers and August wants out of the life but Flora wants one last haul; a wealthy young socialite was just murdered and entombed in their charge and it's rumored she's covered in jewels. August relents and the two enter the crypt. <br /><br />They don't have to work too hard, as the lid pops right off the coffin and Flora snatches an impressive necklace. The dead girl's ring doesn't come off so easily, but as Flora is about to hack on the finger to gain access, a strange masked man locks the couple in the mausoleum. Outside, this strange figure pours red paint on a wax effigy and lights it aflame. Gloria Irving, the lovely young pilfered socialite, rises from her casket to do evil bidding. She strangles August and clubs Flora over the head with a candle stick and....roll opening credits. <br /><br />We're off to a fun start - voodoo, corpse girls, a double homicide, grave robbing - yes, yes, a very good start. <br /><br />Cut to a very seventies London. A Hindu ritual is taking place with Krishna (who else but Paul Naschy) is officiating a service for a bunch of whiteys. He holds burning ash in his hand and takes on some pretty heavy duty acupuncture with the help of his lovely assistant Kala and converts the glorious redhead Elvira into his fold. Elvira happens to be the cousin of the recently undead Gloria and is struggling greatly with her cousin's death. She finds solace in Krishna (who wouldn't?) but her friend Lawrence, a psychologist, warns her against the charismatic swami because he's probably just trying to get into her pants. (Krishna also keeps a live leopard on his dining table. Yes, please!)<br /><br />After warning Elvira of Krishna's probable intentions, Lawrence drops Elvira off to some not so sweet dreams. Those dreams become shocking reality (don't they always?) when Gloria comes to visit her cousin, along with her resurrector, the masked assailant, only to hang her dad and give grandpa (the butler?) a hatchet to the face. Elvira's left a shaky mess in her scanty pink nightgown, but not for long, as we cut to dad's funeral in the next scene. <br /><br />Lawrence decides he wants Elvira to take a vay-cay, and she decides to go see Krishna at the evil country home he's recently acquired. Seems the family that lived there before was into all sorts of hoodoo and black magic and the villagers revolted and killed them all. You know, there's no kinda justice like angry mob villager justice. Elvira's non-plussed when she learns this information from a creepy train station master, and is even more so not put off in the slightest when a strange scarred up fat black man, T. Zachary, comes to take her to Krishna. Weird. But good weird. <br /><br />When Elvira arrives to Casa de Evil Black Magic house, Krishna is bedecked in white, spouting cliches with an unrivaled-anywhere intensity, having tea, and ordering the servants around. He doesn't even stand up to invite Elvira into the room. He's kind of an ass, but he can be, so it's alright. He immediately suggests Elvira retire and she does so, to the weirdest dream EVAR and easily the most bizarre and enjoyable scene in the movie. <br /><br />Paul plays the devil, Kala's all painted in gold, stirring a cauldron with a giant bone, all the servants are zombies. Free form jazz plays maniacally (and it will throughout the rest of the movie in a very interesting choice in score), and Devil Paul kisses Elvira, slits her throat, drains it into a golden chalice, natch, and drinks freely from it. Everyone leers and Elvira wakes up screaming. Krishna comforts her and Kala looks on, jealous. Don't be jealous Kala! There's enough Paul to go around for all you ladies!<br /><br />So all this is going on and that masked voodoo killer dude is still out there all over the place, whacking more socialites (in one turn, a very compliant strangulation), burning more effigies, and making more undead chicks for his nefarious purposes. There's even a scene with a sandwich-eating mortician (they are always eating!) getting stabbed in the neck with a beer can (Amstel Light!), much to my delight. Scotland Yard is confounded but intent on catching this creepy killer and Lawrence is called in for the assist. <br /><br />Things get more bizarre with the decapitation of Krishna's old crone housekeeper, a pitchfork/sickle fight between Krishna and T. Zachary, some back to back sexy times with Kala first, and then Elvira, Elvira professing her love to Krishna (as if we didn't see that coming), the station master forced via hoodoo to slit his own throat, the revelation of the masked killer's identity, some serious BLOOD FEAST imagery, and a weird deux ex machina, all not necessarily in this order. It's enough to rival any horror flick, stateside or otherwise, and I LOVE IT. <br /><br />Described in Paul's memoirs as a 'nightmare within a nightmare' and 'a highly enjoyable zombie film, a strange, esoteric blend of Devil worship and ancient voodoo rituals leading to the resurrection of terrifying female zombies,' I think a far more academic mind could do a hell of a lot more than I have just recounting the events here. Naschy gives a remarkable triple threat performance as Krishna, the masked killer (sorry, spoiler) and the goat-ish Devil and there are enough weird camera angles and slow motion to really give you the sense that you are indeed within Elvira's nightmare. <br /><br />There are moments that are seemingly WTF, not in a good way, but those WTF good way moments outweigh the bad ones and the anecdotes involving real-life practitioners of the black arts finding hidden meanings in this work and seeking Paul out to discuss these ideas elevate it to cult. It's a great horror movie. The killings are gruesome, the ladies are gorgeous, and it never gets boring. <br /><br />I urge you to have yourself a Naschy-a-thon today (or any day, really) and check out the Naschy blog-a-thon posts from last year put together by the Vicar and the Duke over at <a href="http://mmmmmovies.blogspot.com/p/paul-naschy-blogathon-links.html">Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies</a>. What an amazing time that was! <br /><br />Thank you, Paul, for your awesome and awe-inspiring body of work in the genre I call my own! *Tear*Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-33234081546631308972011-11-27T20:42:00.003-05:002011-11-27T20:45:59.986-05:00Attack of the HandMy hand. On Deniro's head/face!<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwaa4XNzwBY430jlBGn_zU5cJJxZ9lWGzjDTAHjm7PwSIiRDCE6Vq6mMFdO-b_It2pl4X72p34beFGHaV-0FQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4200832832545654418.post-22082511929069540252011-11-24T15:45:00.003-05:002011-11-24T19:50:56.826-05:00Happy Fangs-giving!I'm thankful for cats, wine, Sam, horror movies, scooters, Danzig I, and cats. <br /><br />I can't keep October out of the leftovers (the cats have had more turkey than I have) and I've already taken two naps but the wine is still flowing and a weirdo foreign Christmas movie brought to us by Rene Cardona (!) is being watched. I might just tote out the turkey monster classic BLOOD FREAK for a little more strange movie fun after dessert (when Sam wakes up from his second nap). Hope you guys are eating lots, drinking more, and having a lazy drunken day of movie marathons. Happy Fangs-giving, y'all.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13299640716799276127noreply@blogger.com6