Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Werewolf and the Yeti

I'm a little keyed up, perverts. Ever since the Vicar and the Duke announced they were spearheading a Paul Naschy blog-a-thon, I've had Jacinto on the brain more than usual. I know it's not quite here yet, but I thought it couldn't hurt to watch THE WEREWOLF AND THE YETI for a sixth time and impart to you the lurid details. I have more in store for the actual blog-a-thon, but consider this an early gift. You're welcome.

The feature opens in the mountains of Nepal. In the first ten seconds, two men are attacked by a Yeti. Guns are fired, roars are roared, and cue the opening credits. Back in civilization, our man Waldemere Daninsky (Paul, of course, this is the eighth in a cycle of thirteen Daninsky films) meets up with The Professor and his pretty daughter, Sylvia, to discuss the missing anthropologist, Silas, the unfortunate who got himself offed by the Yeti.

Silas' mission in Nepal was to find the Abomindable Snowman, but he didn't return, obviously. However, his diary was found, along with an for reals yeti scalp! 'No doubt about it,' the Professor says. 'It's authentic!.' There's no evidence to the contrary, so we have no other option but to believe him.

So far we've got a yeti scalp and a for reals picture of the yeti, so the Prof is chomping at the bit to get to Nepal and hunt this thing down. Waldemere is an obvious choice to accompany him because he's an anthropologist, psychologist, and fluent in Nepalese! Is there anything Paul can't do? I mean, really.

The party leaves for Katmandu immediately, but there's a impenetrable snowstorm and the expedition is forced to hole up in a hotel. Not for long though, because there's inexplicably a sweaty white man who seems to be on an opium bender that knows a secret pass through the mountains. Despite that he's a junky, our buddy Waldemere is ready to rock and hires him - his name is Joel, which I find hilarious - and they make their way for the secret pass san prof and the rest of the team.

It doesn't take long for Waldemere and Joel to wind up lost and, despite his reputation (?), Joel freaks, hears demons of the red moon, and goes headlong into the snow. There's some back and forth with poor Waldemere wandering lost and the team back in civilization. The team wants to assemble and find Waldemere and prepare for the trip. Tiger, a hulking Nepalese guide the prof hired, warns of those red moon demon guys, but winds up going on the journey anyway. The Sherpa crew does a dance to ward off evil spirits and the trip begins for these guys.

Meanwhile, Waldemere trudges on. It doesn't look too pleasant. It's cold and stark, but after a few stumbles, our hero finds a cave decorated with idolatry. There are two sexy cave dwelling sisters who decide to sex up on Waldemere because 'he's very strong. He will make a splendid companion, and a good lover.' I second that one, ladies. I mean, really, how could you resist? Only Paul could find two sisters to do it to in a cave in the Nepalese mountains. The women nurse him back to health with blow jobs and intercourse.

Later, Waldemere wakes up alone and decides to explore the cave, literally time. He get dressed and finds the girls cannibalizing some arms and legs. He grabs a torch (how I've always wanted to wield a torch in a cave!), find a tomb, and but shit! The moon is coming up! Waldemere takes the time to stab another vampire cannibal woman and attack another, but not before the last one sinks her teeth into his chest, giving him that sweet pentagram-ish scar. Dazed, he stumbles out into the wilderness. In a painful exertion, Waldemere changes into a werewolf! Yay!

He attacks some bandits sitting around a campfire speaking of selling women. See, that's what they get! And carries on to find the camp where the prof and Sylvia might be. Maybe he does this - I"m not sure. (The copy I have is a bootleg and looks like it was drug across the ocean floor and then stored wet in a draft basement for about fifty years. Sometimes the minutiae is lost on me.)

Sylvia decides to stray from the camp for a walk, because that's a really good idea, and then must thwart the sexual advances of another team member. Waldemere shows up just in time to save Sylvia. It's a morality tale, you see. You want to do violence towards the females, you get eaten by a werewolf. Simple, really.

So that's that and Tiger is still rambling on about demons but none of these white motherfuckers want to listen. The expedition decides to return to base camp but they run afoul of some bandits and there's a shoot out of western proportions, until the party finds themselves captured. Seems like they are going to meet Sekkar Khan, and evil ruler in the mountains.

Sylvia escapes momentarily and the Yeti attacks. Well, I think it's the Yeti, because it's day. But that's the thing about this movie. One second it will be raging snow and ice, the next it's verdant and green. I think Yeti's can be out during the day, unlike werewolves. So let's just say it's day. Who care, really?

Walemere wakes up on the forest floor in human form and not too worse for wear and runs headlong into Sylvia. She catches Waldemere up and they find another member of the expedition on a stake, but still alive. The unfortunate tips them off that the prof has been taken to see the Khan at his palace.

Cut to the Khan's palace. The evil son of a bitch is getting his 'treatment' administered by the beautiful, but oh-so-evil, Wandessa. He's got some kind of skin thing on his back and uses the women he captures for their skin. But we'll get there in a second.

Waldemere and Sylvia find a ramshackle monastery in the middle of nowhere, where they meet a monk and a retarded mute. The monk knows of Waldemere's affliction and promises the curse can be lifted by some rare flower and the blood of a young girl are given to him. The monk also warns of the Khan and how ruthless he is. Wandessa has a nasty reputation as well, although no one knows her origins. But from what the monk says, Wandessa is worse than the Khan.

After some sex with Sylvia, Waldemere decides he's going to leave her at the monastery. The monk chains him to a tree to try to contain him, but no stinkin' chains can hold Waldemere! He wolfs out and some good werewolf action occurs. Meanwhile (damn there are a lot meanwhiles in this film), Sylvia gets schooled by the monk on how to kill the werewolf. Use the flower portion or here, stab him with this silver knife!

It starts to get real choppy here, as the Khan and Wandessa play chess for the professor's life, Khan's men go to kidnap Sylvia, they capture Waldemere, Wandessa makes out with Waldemere while he's in chains and then carves up some beauties to give the Khan his 'treatments.' She skins the ladies alive in front of Waldemere so he can see what will happen to Sylvia if he doesn't submit.

Sylvia and a captive princess trick a guard and kill him with the silver dagger and escape. Sylvia finds Waldemere and let's him go and they make a run for it. And what a run it is! Waldemere does his best Chuck Norris interpretation (or has it been Chuck all these years doing his best Paul interpretation?), complete with flying roundhouse kicks and everything! Then Waldemere wolfs out again to fight the Yeti (remember the Yeti?) and it's the first werewolf/Yeti fight I've ever seen. Tell me of another one and I'll watch it.

At the last minute, after these epic battles are waged, Sylvia randomly finds the cure-all flower, mixes it with her blood and gives it to the now unconscious werewolf. Ta da! The curse is lifted - they just know this - and head back in the direction of civilization, despite the fact they have no coats. The End.

I love this shit. It's got Yetis, werewolves, Sherpas, Khans, evil witches, naked ladies, cannibal vampires, Nepalese dancing, karate, torch bearing, caves, snow, mountains, a little dash of mad science, inexplicable stuff, and Paul. So it's got a of little everything that is good in life, which is basically all I need.

Now go watch Paul for yourself. Get ready for the blog-a-thon! It's November 29th through December 3rd.


  1. I should have known you'd never be able to hold back when it came to Naschy, Jenn! :) Good to see you're getting warmed up for the blogathon. It's gonna be a super-awesome celebration of all things Naschy!

    This movie really has it all. Wandessa is among the most eeevil looking of Naschy's villainesses, and I really wish she were in the movie more. And the fight scene between Sekkar Khan and Waldemar is EPIC. And Waldy isn't even wolfed out!

    The Duke loves this flick for many reasons, not least the LEAP ATTACK from the boulder ONTO A GALLOPING HORSE. I have no evidence, but I'm going to go ahead and say Naschy did his own stunt there. If I'm wrong, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

    I think this may be the only Waldemar entry with a happy ending for the dude too, isn't it? Funny he went all WEREWOLF OF LONDON with the Himilayan botanical werewolf cure here, rather than sticking with the WOLF MAN "nope you're fucked" version. :) And as you say, I'm pretty sure we have here the only Werewolf/Yeti fight in cinema, brief as it is. An embarrassment of riches!

    Now that you're warmed up and gushing forth, can't wait to see what you do for the blogathon!

  2. Well, I just get to thinkin' and then I get to watchin' and I just love love love me some Paul. It had also been far too long since I had watched a Naschy joint, so I figured I was due already. Why hold back?

    The LEAP ATTACKS are stellar here. I forgot to even mention the leap onto the galloping horse. And duh, of course Paul does his own stunts. He's the original Chuck Norris, imo.

    I'm glad there's only one Werewolf/Yeti showdown captured on celluloid. If there were more, we'd get used to them and that wouldn't be good :)

    I've got good stuff in store, as per our earlier discussion and I'm super excited. I think this is the most excellent way to honor a great talent on the anniversary of his passing.

    How-how-how-hoooowwwwwwlllllll! (Werewolf howl)

  3. My pal Red and I are doing a "Squatch Fest" in December which focus heavily on abominable snowman/yet/Sasquatch flicks...-and- we both love Naschy (which I'm pretty sure you were aware of about me, anyway), so... this would have been fucking PERFECT. Jealous.

    BTW, Jenn, just thought I'd let ya know your old pal Astro has "moved" - new blog, new site - HERE: http://screengrab.blogspot.com/

    Stop on by and update your blog-roll, won't ya? ;)

  4. Ooh, I can't wait for your Yeti-a-thon. That'll be lots of fun! It's one of my favorite subgenres as well. You should definitely check this one out.

    Updated my blog roll - are you still gonna keep up the Cheap Bin? Please say you are!

  5. I really need to get in on this Paul Naschy dude, Jenn. It is with the deepest, blackest regret I must confess I've never seen any of his movies... :o/

    Interestingly, I recently read that this film is apparently still banned in the UK! In one of the recent SFX special editions, they discussed Video Nasties - and it seems this one has never been granted a certification... Weird.

  6. Hi James! It's good to hear from you! Your confession is confidential, but your salvation will lie in filling this gaping maw in your movie watching travels.

    Your my resident Argento dude, so I don't know how much so you'll love love love Naschy - they aren't the most glorious of prints to behold and there are HUGE plot holes a lot of times, and many are hard to find in their original glory. But let me know what you think. And check me out on the blog-a-thon coming up at the end of the month.

    That's crazy - there's a still a 'ban' list over there? Does anyone still care about such trifling ass shit as a Video Nasties list? I mean, aside from the fact that we should seek out and watch everything on the Nasties list because we're perverted gluttons of punishment. :)

  7. Hi Jenn
    I'm late reading this review, and how could I miss it, Yetis are among my favourite 'monsters' much underused in my opinion. This really sounds like a class act of a film; it's got it all hasn't it!? The only thing missing to that horror shopping list are Nazis. I mean how could one resist a movie with this kind of tagline..."While hiking the mountains, he's captured by two cannibalistic demon nymphets guarding a remote buddhist temple and becomes their sex-slave."

  8. I'm not sure if there's still a 'ban list' here, this movie has just never been released since it's initial ban - even to this day; whereas most of the other video nasties have all received releases. Weird, isn't it?
    Will try to check out Mr Naschy. As you're something of a Naschy connoisseur, what titles would you recommend?? ;)

  9. PS - Why don't I just check out your Naschy blog-a-thon at the end of the month? That'll surely tell me all I need to know! ;)

  10. Hey, James. Yes, I recommend you check out the blog-a-thon next week. I have lots in store. I'm actually going to try to post all five days, but we'll see.

    But as a quick note: I started my Naschy love with FRANKENSTEIN'S BLOODY TERROR and kinda went from there. It's an easily accessible monster mashup and a good intro, I should think. But stay tuned next week. I have lots in store!

  11. Can't wait! Sweet scooter, by the way. Happy Thanksgiving! :)

  12. Thanks on all fronts, James! Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!