Halloween Movie Watching Spectacular

October Horror Movie Challenge over. Here's the playlist.



1. HEAD OF THE FAMILY (1996). Totally Full Moon and totally way more talking than I remember from when I watched this in the early nineties. The sassy Jaqueline Lovell steals the show as the white trash Loretta. I remember her from another Full Moon production, HIDEOUS, and all I can really remember is her topless wearing a gorilla mask and strong-arming someone with a pistol.



2. FRIGHT NIGHT (1985). The original. I love Chris Sarandon in this, his greatest role, a slacks-and-turtleneck-wearing, apple-chomping vampire named Jerry.



3. CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954). Quite possibly my favorite misunderstood monster (who I also sport a tattoo of). I can't pick a favorite Universal classic, but this comes close.

I can now go back to falling asleep even MORE during movie watching.

October Horror Movie Challenge - Second Week!

Day 8 - 976-EVIL II (1992) and directed by Jim Wynorski. Not nearly as good as the first one, because I used to be totally obsessed with that, due in part because I remember those hotline numbers you could call and my friend down the street in the seventh grade got in trouble with her mom because she was calling Freddy Krueger and Bobby Brown for like 19.99 a minute and it was a huge deal and I was instructed never to call those numbers EVER or else I would dealt with accordingly. So of course the fact that there was a HORROR movie about these sorts of things is going to go down as some awesome shit to a thirteen year old me. I had seen this one before, so I put it on, had a few glasses of red wine, and promptly passed out. I remember some such shit about astral projection and the complete and utter absence of Robert Englund and Stephen Geoffreys and that is about all. I still have the Vestron Video copy so I can revisit whenevs.





Day 9 - JAWS OF SATAN (1981). Lots of fun to be had here with snakes, Christian overtones, witchcraft, wayward priests, demonic possession, overt sexual symbolism, strong female leads, the first cinematic appearance of a ten-year old Christina Applegate, and a constantly-eating mortician. (I swear one of these days I'm going to compile a list of all the filmic morticians that are always fucking eating on camera.) This wasn't great, but it was pretty good. Me likey.





Day 10 - I BURY THE LIVING (1958). There's a new cemetery director and he thinks he can cause people who buy plots to die by some sort of push pin on a map voodoo shit and this plays out over the course of many, many minutes. I was on the phone for most of this, discussing some work drama, so Sam caught more of it than I did. I found it to be lackluster at best.



Day 11 - THE GIRL SLAVES OF MORGANA LE FEY (1971) - sexy sexploitation romp featuring a vampiric beauty intent on acquiring souls of other lovely ladies to continue her immortality, her dwarf assistant, and some all out Jean Rollin-style imagery from Italian director Bruno Gattilion. Good times, here, perverts, good times. Sexy ladies tied up in dungeons, a dwarf scheming to get in their pants all the while, and some other ethereal/exploitative stuff. I dug it.



Day 12 - SWITCHBLADE SISTERS (1975) directed by the venerable Jack Hill. I remember this being a ROLLING THUNDER (Quentin Tarantino's early nineties distribution company) release, so when Sam had just started this on Wednesday night as I rolled home from work, I was down to watch, as I hadn't seen it when it had its revival on VHS almost twenty years ago. Good stuff here - girls, guns, and gang warfare - all with ridiculous fucking accents and plenty of knifings. Wish I hadn't waited so long, but I'm glad I did because I don't think I would have enjoyed it two decades ago.



Day 13 - CHAWZ (2009). Korean wild boar invading the human sphere movie. The title is no accident, but there is nothing that can really redeem this, especially the attempts at black humor. Boring. I feel asleep. But you already know how I work late and drink lots, but this is this week's crap-fest. Total.



Day 14 - THE APE (1940). I showed up for the Karloff, stuck around for the lab-or-atories and circus stuff, and got drunk on the fact that Karloff had to don a fucking ape skin and kill people for their spinal fluid to find a cure for polio. I chose this one in part for its brevity (62 minutes and I'm tired, especially after a Friday night bar shift), but was mostly entertained.

There you go, pervs. Just a regular ol'week. Boris and girl gangs and sideshows and horror chat lines and dwarves and killer boars and Christian snakes and all sorts of other good stuff. You're welcome.

James River Film Festival Highlights

Richmond holds an annual film festival each April. The festival doesn't tend to focus on any theme or genre - they'll have a night of short films from local universities, or some independent work, maybe a reading or two thrown in. Once every couple of years, however, they'll screen a thing or two that peaks my interest and this year I was delighted to find out they were screening the Spanish language version of DRACULA with a live soundtrack AND a rare 35mm print of THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER. On the same night! Yay!

Movie the first - DRACULA. The introduction wasn't anything I didn't already know - the film was shot at night on the same stage as Tod Browning's film, the long shots of Dracula aren't Carlos Villar, but Bela Lugosi, a money-saving maneuver - but the highlights included seeing this old film on a big screen in a theatre with an audience AND musical accompaniment by guitar whiz Gary Lucas.

On the musical aspect. Lucas, looking cool in a purple fedora and loose fitting grey suit, took the stage after being briefly introduced as a performer with Captain Beefheart. He said a couple of words and the film started rolling. He played along with the DRACULA theme song at a little too high a volume, so I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to concentrate on subtitles. It really was that loud. But after the credits, he toned it down and I was immediately sucked in to watching the movie, almost tuning out Lucas as he played along. He's that good. You don't even realize you're hearing something performed live.

The only time I was sentient I was watching a live performance along with the film is that some of the music is slightly anachronistic. There's a Spanish feel to some it, a rock n roll feel to other parts, with softer notes played with women are conversing on screen. He also switches between acoustic and electric depending on the action, which is pretty cool. It updates the film in some ways, but you are still aware you're watching a movie from the Thirties. It's a weird feeling, but not a bad one.



On seeing DRACULA with an audience. I've seen this version of the film many times and often pair it as a double feature with Bela Lugosi's version. But this was my first time with a theatre full of other film fans and it was a little annoying, even though it is interesting to see how different people react to certain films I myself am very familiar with. Yes, the movie is stagey and akin to a stage performance, because it originated as such. Yes, it's eight decades removed from our current movie watching brains. And yes, sometimes it's hokey. But it ain't all that fucking funny. You would think people were watching stand up or something the way they were guffawing at Dracula's facial expressions. I think a lot of times people don't know what to do with themselves when they watch something old or removed from what they are used to. Laughter is their way of dealing with it. I've seen it happen with all sorts of films, usually films that are a lot more 'shocking' than this one. Overall, it was cool to see this on a big screen, stupid laughter from stupid people aside.

And, I never realized how much I love Renfield. It really is his movie in a lot of ways, at least this version. I love watching him go nuts. It's easily one of the best performances throughout the movie. And he gets so much more screen time than Dracula. It would seem he upstages the cloaked one in many ways.



Movie the second - NIGHT OF THE HUNTER. Charles Laughton's first and only feature, the wonderful melodrama starring Robert Mitchum, is easily one of my favorite noir pictures. I was delighted to be able to see this on a big screen in 35mm! This feature kicked off with a reading from the novel by Minnesotan author and film fan, Peter Schilling, Jr., appearing with fake LOVE/HATE knuckle tattoos. It was a cute gesture, but kinda weak. This is a dude wearing a navy blue blazer and those little wire-rimmed glasses. Oh well. I'm like, shut up, get to the movie.

On seeing this with an audience. The audience here was more reserved. Everyone was respectful of the film and there was the occasional giggle, but overall, this was a more somber affair than most. Preacher Harry Powell is just so damn evil! You can't take your eyes off him. And Pearl is just so darn cute. I don't like kids, but I would cuddle Pearl in a second.



On the movie itself. It's been years since I've seen this and only ever on VHS. I feel like I paid a lot of attention this time (I was also stone cold sober, hehe). You know how it is. You can see something over and over and then like the tenth time you see it, you pick up on stuff you might have missed. This time I was hyper-aware of the kids and their mistrust of the adults. I'm not saying I missed this entirely before, since it is overt, but I really felt for those kids this time around. They loose their dad, which they get to watch, they loose their mom, the other adults are drunk or unbelieving - there's no one they can trust. And while Mitchum's Preacher is what the film is most memorable for, the kids are really what carry the movie and who you feel for. It's just such a painful movie, in that you feel the same pain and really, really want to see Preacher get what's coming to him. I need to read the novel. I could only love it.

It was so fantastic to be able to see these two old films in a festival environment. To go to two different amazing venues in my city on the same night and watch two of my favorite films is what I want every day to be like. Richmond isn't the roaring metropolis it should be and these things just don't happen on the regular around here. I'm glad I got to be a part of it this year. Here's to more genre offerings in years to come! Yay!

The Manster

Nothing says All Hallow's Eve like a campy two-headed monster American/Japanese hybrid mad scientist movie from the '50's y'all! So for your Devil's Night reading pleasure, I give you 1959's THE MANSTER.

First things first. I love that fucking title. It's why I picked this movie from my Netflix recommendations. C'mon. It's called THE MANSTER. Hilarious. You know it's gonna be campy, you know there's going to be SCIENCE of the MAD variety, and you know there's going to be theremin music. That's really all I need. However....

As we settle in, a hairy, Yeti-ish creature attacks some bathing beauties and another lovely lady in her home as she combs her hair. The women are completely taken off guard by this beast and put up little fight. Roll credits.

Come to find out this creature is/was Kenji, the brother of MAD scientist Robert Suzuki, who lives in a lab-or-a-tory carved into the side of an active volcano. Suzuki being MAD and all has turned his brother into a raving, savage beast, who, up close, is also kind of cute in a fuzzy, raving, savage beast kind of way. Suzuki ain't all bad and realizes that his brother is out of control and winds up incinerating the poor fellow alive. 'You were my brother!,' Suzuki laments. 'An experiment that didn't work out!' Ah well, into the flames you go, Kenji. As Kenji meets his fiery end, we see Suzuki has been up to other 'experiments' as a she-freak screams from a cage built into the wall at the actions taking place before her.

That said and done, Larry Stanford comes to meet with Suzuki. Larry's a reporter with the World Press and wants to interview Suzuki about his 'work on the secrets of 'evil-oo-tion' and 'the principles of existence.' Fascinating stuff, you can totally tell Larry's really interested. NOT. If you missed the whole I turned my brother into a Sasquatch that kills beautiful women and then burned him alive in a giant oven scene, you get the idea that Suzuki is a little weird when he starts asking his interviewer all sorts of personal questions. How old are, Larry? Have you ever been with prostitutes, Larry? I'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist. After a bit of this and some more blather about 'cosmic rays and their effect on evolution,' Suzuki offers Larry some scotch as a means to drug the reporter in order to inject him with an enzyme that will cause him to change into something similar to Kenji, because that all worked out so well just several hours ago.

Cut to Larry's office back in Tokyo several days later. Seems like Suzuki wants to come out of his volcano lab and take Larry out on the town. Larry's been working his ass for what he makes seem like decades, so is more than happy to oblige Suzuki for a few nights out. Larry seems fine at this point. He doesn't know he's been drugged or that Suzuki is a total weirdo, so he takes a call from his wife, Linda, a breathy blond in a white nightgown that still resides in NYC. He assures Linda all is well and he'll return home to New York as soon as he has had his much needed vacation. Asshole. I'd be like, you are taking a vacation with me, motherfucker, since I haven't seen you in years. But oh well. Linda's sated for then.

The doc takes Larry to a brothel where Larry gets wasted and makes out with several ukulele playing geisha. Three days later, Larry's still having the time of his life with the good doctor, and decides instead of returning to work or to NYC to his wife to go to a hot springs hotel with Suzuki and Tara, the doctor's beautiful and seductive assistant. While we haven't interacted much with the doctor too much yet, he doesn't seem as evil as his plans. He just more or less seems kind of regular in that his performance isn't too over the top and at times, he almost seems remorseful about his actions, yet obsessed with his experiments nonetheless. Tara, the assistant, however seems far more evil. She alludes to a shady past the doc rescued her from and her lack of feeling emotions. She's perfect for the job of seducing Larry so the doc can inject more enzymes or serum or whatever the hell in Larry for the ultimate transformations.

It's at the hot springs where the theremin music queues up and Larry feels that initial cramp in his hand. He has been boozing it up quite a bit so decides he'll forget about the whole pain thing and have sex with Tara instead. FADE TO BLACK. (I once took a screenwriting course and the guy teaching the class used to love the whole fade to black thing. He always talked about how dramatic it was to fade to black. He called it a device. I hated that and thought it sounded pretentious. He was also big into starting stories where the alarm clock is going off and using the 'device' of the needle on the record skipping. Annoying. Those pretentious MFAs loved him, though. No offense to my good friend out there with an MFA.)

Moving on, Larry and Tara party it up, dancing and drinking all over the town, but that damn theremin music keeps playing and Larry knows something's not right. He does what any rational, American ex-patriot who's cheating on his wife would do. Drink MORE and have MORE SEX. Why not, right? It kills the pain and makes him feel good. That is until he and Tara show up at his one night and discover boss Ian has ratted Larry out to the missus and Linda's standing there demanding to know the deal. Larry's a total ass at this point (remember, the poor man has been drugged with mad scientist serum so it's not his fault, if that's what you want to believe), and storms back out to Tara's. Linda can't believe how Larry's changed, although if you ask me, he hasn't changed a bit since he was always a bit of an ass. Now he's just more of a drunk ass who is just doesn't know he's about to grow another head. Big deal.

Back at Tara's, she urges Larry to go back and make up with Linda, or at the very least, find some sort of closure and Larry does just that, but winds up growing a monster hand and yelling at Linda. 'I never put you in your place, never slapped you down before!' She exits stage left in tears, as Larry continues to grow hair all over (like another afflicted Larry we know) and then decides to stop by a Buddhist temple. He rambles to the monk, interrupting his chanting and then returns to Tara's for sex of the non-explicit variety. It is 1959, you know.

Not ever sex can stop what Larry's becoming, as he soon takes to hiding in alleys and murdering beautiful women. According to the doctor, who we really haven't heard much of up until this point (it's really more Larry's story throughout), Larry is becoming two species at once. I could make some sweeping generalities about the duality of man but I never really got on board Larry's train, as he was never very likeable. I don't even feel the least bit sorry for him when he does sprout that ugly, ugly second head and starts wreaking havoc on Tokyo, as if there wasn't enough cinematic havoc wreaked upon Tokyo.

Enter the last fifteen minutes of this eighty minute flick. It goes a little something like this. There's some not particularly perilous police pursuits (alliteration, anyone?) of our boy Larry and then some crazy musing by Suzuki. He keeps saying how he's given this great gift to science (a two-headed monster that murders people - some gift!) but he also keeps struggling with how he can't bring Larry back. Larry might already be ready to split into two beings, which would not be a great gift to science, rather a horrible regret. So which is, doc? Are you great or do you regret the shit you've pulled in the name of science? Did I mention the she-freak locked in the volcano lab was once the doctor's wife, Ineko? At least I can find some solace in the fact that Larry was a complete stranger to the doctor and not a family member he decided to experiment on.

Larry returns to the volcano and guess what he does? Go on, guess! Ok, he trashes the lab, kills the doc, takes Tara, throws her in the volcano, splits out the monster part of him, fights the monster, the police descend, the monster falls into the volcano, Linda and Larry live happily ever after. The End. It was that easy; I'm serious. That really is the end and it happens in like forty seconds.

I kind of liked THE MANSTER. I still love the title. The movie isn't bad, per say; it isn't good either. It could have included more MAD science for my money but the doctor is so wishy washy, I don't know what the hell he's rambling about most of the time. Do you, or do you not, believe in what you did? If you're a fucking mad scientist, you have to OWN that shit. Wring your hands, sweat a little, order your hunchback around. Make sweeping statements about how you are GOD. Don't back peddle and regret your damn mistakes, because there will be a few if you practice science of the mad variety. Larry sucks all around, both as nice guy Larry and asshole Larry because they're really one in the same. He's whiny when he's nice and a dickhead when he's mean. That made sense only to me. Tara is beautiful and calculating, but even she has a duplicity when she falls in love with Larry, which is completely outside her character. Linda's a stupid bitch for taking Larry back in the first place. I mean, who knows if he'll cheat on her again or if he'll grow another head. Maybe she's just hoping he'll grow some other appendage instead.

THE MANSTER is recommended for it's short running time, awesome title, and other silliness.

Happy Halloween, you perverts. I love you and have missed you all! Have a great, safe Halloween whatever you do! It's always Halloween to me!

Between my vicious, violent hangover yesterday (seriously, I still feel it and it's like two days later-box wine and stella! do not mix!), figuring out why I still pay private mortgage insurance after owning my house for over five years (try wrapping a hungover brain around escrow and tax information), and the excitement of the inauguration, I nearly forgot to post this lovely, lovely still from Them!, 1954's wonderful atomic giant ant movie. I saw this still over at Boing Boing, immediately LOL'ed, and posted it to my own damn blog. Number 6 is of particular interest, especially the part about unnatural things alive or dead. I think had this been my own newsboard, unnatural living or dead things would take priority over the theft of sugar, sweets, or syrups. But that's just me. Which is more important? Flying saucers or migration of wild life? Perhaps this list isn't in order of importance. We all need to keep these things, and more, in mind when dealing with giant ants invading our human sphere. Just a reminder, I guess. I love it all the same.  If I had any photoshop skills at all, I would add tattooed, crazy cat ladies with a penchant for horror movies to the board.