Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Night, Mo-fo's!


Boils and ghouls, perverts and voyeurs, it's been a long fucking Friday as usual. It has been very rainy and cold here in VA's capital city, thus making traffic through my restaurant very slow, which is somehow more tiring than being busy and running around all day. I drank four shots of espresso from four until six and only felt more tired!

So guess what I'm doing now? Go ahead, guess! Three guesses, the first two don't count. You guys are so effin' smart - I'm drinking pino noir and gazing at copious amounts of felines run around, contemplating tonite's feature presentation.

But my slow day at the office, so to speak, wasn't all for naught. In fact, I compiled quite the list of reasons why I love Chris Sarandon and why I think he's an unsung genre veteran. I'll give you your Lance Henricksens and your Tom Adkinses, give me that sensible-slacks and turtleneck sweater wearing hardass Christopher Sarandon.

Bow down; the following are the reasons CS is freakin' awesome.

1. He was in FRIGHT NIGHT. He is a vampire named Jerry Dandridge in FRIGHT NIGHT. What kind of fucking name for a vampire is Jerry Dandridge? That sounds like some guy that's gonna sell me insurance. But no, CS makes it cool. Yes, he's about as unsexy as a vampire as Don Knotts, but he does the role justice. He's effectively sleazy and creepy, even in his sweater and slacks, and his coffin is cool and he's got the guy from HOUSE as his lackey. And he's a smart ass and slow dances with Marcy from Married with Children in an 80's night club while no one else is slow dancing, before turning her into a vampire.

FRIGHT NIGHT is lots of fun, despite what Aaron thinks. It's got lots of practical effects and CS is in it, so you should just watch it right now. At least revisit if you haven't in awhile.

2. CS is in CHILD'S PLAY. Now, I know what you're thinking. *in a snooty, sarcastic voice* Oh, Jenn, CHILD'S PLAY? Surely you jest. My tastes are waaay too sophisticated to appreciate a killer doll movie. Well, I don't care AND I beg to differ. CHILD'S PLAY stars CS as a hardboiled detective wearing his trademark sweater and slacks (never have I used the word 'slacks' so much, or at all, in a post) AND Brad Dorif as the serial killer/voice of Chucky. I shouldn't even have to tell you all this shit - it should be ingrained in your horror movie lovin' brains.

While CS isn't as prominently featured in CP as he is in FN, he's still spectacular and wonderful and his hair remains perfected coiffed even after Chucky's stabs him in the leg and he does absolutely NOTHING to save Andy and his mom.

As a quick aside on CP, the dude that wrote it is from Richmond, holla! And although I enjoyed it as a played straight killer doll flick, I still think Ronny Yu saved the series when he took it over from Tom Holland and made it more of a comedy. This has nothing to do with CS, but I really don't give a fuck, because this is my blog and I do what I want.

3. CS is the voice of Jack Skellington. While I'm not fifteen any more (that's how old I was when this movie came out - I dated myself again), I still relish the NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and think it's aesthetic is cool as shit. I have NIGHTMARE pajamas, as well as sheets, and my nightlight in my room is Jack's head. Yes, I need a nightlight. Do you have any idea how many horror movies I watch? My ex has an AMAZING collection of NIGHTMARE stuff, including this really cool big Oogie Boogie. Gosh, I'm just the queen of tangents tonite.

4. CS was in THE SENTINEL, a veritable powerhouse of a movie. You name a motherfucker and that fucker is in this movie. Jerry Orbach? Check. Christopher Walken? Check. The mom from VACATION? Check. Chris Sarandon? Check motherfuckin' please. AND this film boasts a cat birthday party in which the birthday cat is situated in a high chair wearing a party hat and gold lame bib. Tell me that is not cool as all holy hell? In fact, I remember little else about this movie other than the fact that CS stars in it and there is a cat birthday party.

That's all I got right now, people. I need a cig and some more wine and it might help if I ate something. I'm delirious from the three day's work I've been forced to work (I KNOW!). And I'm waiting on a phone date. If I have any more movies involving CS, I'll add them to the comments section. Love you all and happy Friday, as per the usual.

17 comments:

  1. Hooray for this post, yo. I admire when someone sticks up for the less apparent (but no less valuable) genre "fixtures" like Sarandon. Granted, he's not AS prolific, but he has given us very much to be thankful for. Also, when some non-movie lover, upon hearing I collect movies and watch a lot of weird shit, invariably asks me who my favorite actor is and I tell 'em Brad Dourif, I get really fuckin' annoyed after trying to explain who that is.

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  2. That's what I like to see in a good horror post: Defense of personal favorites, random slashes of wit, and mention of THE SENTINEL (one film that caught me off guard).

    And it's great to see CS getting some love. No one plays 80s power-suave like CS.

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  3. Thanks, Astro, my man, you know, ANYTIME I have to explain Dorif to anyone, I start with LORD OF THE RINGS and then they STILL don't get it. But then again, everyone and their mama has seen CHILD'S PLAY and that still not good enough. Let's rise up! Unsung genre heros - we're here for you!

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  4. Thanks be to you, KU, and yes, THE SENTINEL caught me off guard as well. I should revisit. And you are correct, sir, no one is as sleazy suave as Sarandon, whether it be in vampire or cop form. Word!

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  5. I love Chris Sarandon. With apologies to Vincent Price, he's awesome as Charles Dexter Ward in The Resurrected. Oh, and I LOVE Jerry Dandridge. I fell in love with him the instant I realized that he was the first movie vampire that was smart enough to lock his coffin from the inside. Hee.

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  6. Excellent point, Morbius! You would think all the wisdom of the ages vamps possess being immortal and all, one of them would have thought before the mid-80's to lock that coffin from the inside! Kudos to Sarandon even more! Or Jerry, that is.

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  7. Sarandon played Jack Skelington? I didnt know that? You definitely left off the most important point of all:

    CS was Humperdink in the manliest movie ever made: THE PRINCESS BRIDE. That should definitely have been #1 =D

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  8. Great post Jenn! For added ammo on your Brad Dourif, you should tie the fuckers to a chair and force them to watch EXORCIST III. Brad spends the whole movie with his hands tied behind his back, and STILL manages to scare the crap out of me. A great movie, and one that many people give a pass due to the...erm...UNFORTUNATE Exorcist II.

    More reasons Chris Sarandon rocks:

    1. He was in THE PRINCESS BRIDE. Anyone who was in that flick automatically rocks, but he kicked it up a notch by also being completely hilarious and stealing most of his scenes.

    2. He brought Susan Sarandon to Hollywood, without which we wouldn't have THE HUNGER and ROCKY HORROR, at least in their current states. And to my knowledge he never bitches about her divorcing him and winning a boatload of oscars. Class, people.

    3. He was in Bordello of Blood...okay, crap movie, but the younger me loved it..for some unknown reason...

    4. He was in THE RESURRECTED (1992) an awesome H. P. Lovecraft adaptation with cool practical effects.

    Three cheers for Mr. Dandridge! ;)

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  9. His awkward kind-of-sexiness makes the vampire think work even better for him, methinks. Proves that there is some kind of supernatural force at work as opposed to just out-and-out good looks.

    I also love him as Al Pacino girlfriend in "Dog Day Afternoon."

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  10. Vicar, I really, really liked Dourif in Rob Zombie's H2. He and Danielle Harris played off each other very nicely, I thought.

    Ah, yes, PRINCESS BRIDE, even though I haven't seen it in years! But yes, CS is a beacon in it. On my 9th birthday, my mom took me and all my little nine year old friends to see it in the movie theatre and I loved it ever since.

    And good point, Scary. yeah, the supernatural forces must be at work - we can tell by his seduction of Charlie's girlfriend that he's a great hypnotist. He can even change her hairstlye and make buttons pop off her blouse. (I just said blouse).

    Thanks, guys, as always for your excellent comments!

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  11. I've seen and loved all these films (especially The Sentinel, which I have a sweet original poster for) but have never connected the dots: it's Chris Sarandon that makes them great.

    And since the Brad Dourif tangent was started: he's the man on Deadwood. The rare character actor that really deserves to have the "character" part left off. The man is damn near Oscar worthy.

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  12. Less awesome: he was played Sidney Carton and Charles Darnet in a crummy TV version of A Tale of Two Cities I had to watch in 10th grade.

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  13. Adam, I'm glad that I could provide the missing link for ya. I'm thinking a similar type Dourif post is in the works. Just let me get a little buzzed (not a problem) and start working on my list when I get bored (also not a problem with my short attention span and all).

    Jake, I have not seen the made for TV flick you speak of, but c'mon, it's gotta be good if the Sarandon is in it! He didn't save it at all? When was this TV version of Dickensian (I love using that word and seldom get to) greatness (subject to opinion) made? Tell me it was in the 70's? If so, I'm all up in it. I'll even give it a chance if it was made in the very early 80's.

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  14. Jenn, it was made in the 80's. It was okay but should have been so much better. You see, Dr. Manette was played by....wait for it....PETER CUSHING. Now you have to see it.

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  15. I thought it was a pretty good Tale of Two Cities.
    Jeff Goldblum's in The Sentinel, too, as a photographer in the opening titles. And apparently Richard Dreyfuss is an extra in it - he visited the set and did it for a laugh - but I've never spotted him. Weird and amazing film, though. The last film ever made to use real freaks for shock purposes; am I right? I once spent an afternoon in the living room of its director Michael Winner, in pitch blackness, listening to him breathing as he attempted to work the remote control on his video player in the dark. Great guy.

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  16. jervaise brooke hamsterOctober 23, 2009 at 5:09 PM

    Happy birthday Jenn you gorgeous cheeky little minx.

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