Friday Night, Mo-fo's!

Boils and ghouls, perverts and voyeurs, it's been a long fucking Friday as usual. It has been very rainy and cold here in VA's capital city, thus making traffic through my restaurant very slow, which is somehow more tiring than being busy and running around all day. I drank four shots of espresso from four until six and only felt more tired!

So guess what I'm doing now? Go ahead, guess! Three guesses, the first two don't count. You guys are so effin' smart - I'm drinking pino noir and gazing at copious amounts of felines run around, contemplating tonite's feature presentation.

But my slow day at the office, so to speak, wasn't all for naught. In fact, I compiled quite the list of reasons why I love Chris Sarandon and why I think he's an unsung genre veteran. I'll give you your Lance Henricksens and your Tom Adkinses, give me that sensible-slacks and turtleneck sweater wearing hardass Christopher Sarandon.

Bow down; the following are the reasons CS is freakin' awesome.

1. He was in FRIGHT NIGHT. He is a vampire named Jerry Dandridge in FRIGHT NIGHT. What kind of fucking name for a vampire is Jerry Dandridge? That sounds like some guy that's gonna sell me insurance. But no, CS makes it cool. Yes, he's about as unsexy as a vampire as Don Knotts, but he does the role justice. He's effectively sleazy and creepy, even in his sweater and slacks, and his coffin is cool and he's got the guy from HOUSE as his lackey. And he's a smart ass and slow dances with Marcy from Married with Children in an 80's night club while no one else is slow dancing, before turning her into a vampire.

FRIGHT NIGHT is lots of fun, despite what Aaron thinks. It's got lots of practical effects and CS is in it, so you should just watch it right now. At least revisit if you haven't in awhile.

2. CS is in CHILD'S PLAY. Now, I know what you're thinking. *in a snooty, sarcastic voice* Oh, Jenn, CHILD'S PLAY? Surely you jest. My tastes are waaay too sophisticated to appreciate a killer doll movie. Well, I don't care AND I beg to differ. CHILD'S PLAY stars CS as a hardboiled detective wearing his trademark sweater and slacks (never have I used the word 'slacks' so much, or at all, in a post) AND Brad Dorif as the serial killer/voice of Chucky. I shouldn't even have to tell you all this shit - it should be ingrained in your horror movie lovin' brains.

While CS isn't as prominently featured in CP as he is in FN, he's still spectacular and wonderful and his hair remains perfected coiffed even after Chucky's stabs him in the leg and he does absolutely NOTHING to save Andy and his mom.

As a quick aside on CP, the dude that wrote it is from Richmond, holla! And although I enjoyed it as a played straight killer doll flick, I still think Ronny Yu saved the series when he took it over from Tom Holland and made it more of a comedy. This has nothing to do with CS, but I really don't give a fuck, because this is my blog and I do what I want.

3. CS is the voice of Jack Skellington. While I'm not fifteen any more (that's how old I was when this movie came out - I dated myself again), I still relish the NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and think it's aesthetic is cool as shit. I have NIGHTMARE pajamas, as well as sheets, and my nightlight in my room is Jack's head. Yes, I need a nightlight. Do you have any idea how many horror movies I watch? My ex has an AMAZING collection of NIGHTMARE stuff, including this really cool big Oogie Boogie. Gosh, I'm just the queen of tangents tonite.

4. CS was in THE SENTINEL, a veritable powerhouse of a movie. You name a motherfucker and that fucker is in this movie. Jerry Orbach? Check. Christopher Walken? Check. The mom from VACATION? Check. Chris Sarandon? Check motherfuckin' please. AND this film boasts a cat birthday party in which the birthday cat is situated in a high chair wearing a party hat and gold lame bib. Tell me that is not cool as all holy hell? In fact, I remember little else about this movie other than the fact that CS stars in it and there is a cat birthday party.

That's all I got right now, people. I need a cig and some more wine and it might help if I ate something. I'm delirious from the three day's work I've been forced to work (I KNOW!). And I'm waiting on a phone date. If I have any more movies involving CS, I'll add them to the comments section. Love you all and happy Friday, as per the usual.