Thursday, March 5, 2009

Emanuelle NOT helping others, only getting what SHE wants

One of the problems with drinking so much is that you never remember what you've watched or what you've watched all the way through. So you've got to go back when you're sober, or at least just on your first glass of wine, and say, okay, I think I might have seen this before but maybe not, so let me continue to drink and see what happens. This happened when I watched, and then subsequently rewatched, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals. I'm sitting there, going, hey all of this looks really familiar, yet I remember none of it, and hey, where's the bestiality? This was directed by Joe D'Amato and starred Laura Gemser, was it not?

So what's to be said now that I guess I've watched this twice. It's your typical D'Amato/Gemser paring - Laura is jet-set reporter Emanuelle sent to exotic locales to uncover shocking (!) material, in this case, ooh, cannibalism. So what I've come to expect from these two is lots and lots of gratuitous sex (ok, check), a bit of masturbation during a voyeuristic experience (check and check) and bestiality (er, no check here, oddly, and as much as I truly enjoyed watching snake and dog penetration in Emanuelle Around the World, who wouldn't, right?, I wasn't lacking in this department this go-round). So lack of bestiality aside, I somehow welcomed the cannibalism which somehow seems less taboo than the bestiality. Most things do, I suppose. 

Okay, you know how Emanuelle is kinda like James Bond? She always gives her real name and still gets invited into these exclusive places to take pictures and report on scandalous stuff? Well, of course, this is no exception. But what I really enjoyed about her espionage this time is that instead of wearing a stylish gold bracelet to conceal her camera, she carries around a creepy babydoll with a hidden camera instead. Tell me how that isn't conspicuous as hell? So she's walking around with a baby doll, the director of the institution holding the cannibal girl knows her name and occupation, and still lets her in to do journalism stuff, and by journalism I strictly mean fingering a cannibal while asking her her name, then subsequently aiming the babydoll camera at her for some candid photos. 
Then Em is off to watch a 'snuff' type film of some ritualistic cannibalism from the Amazon. Adultery has supposedly taken place so the wife's family eats the husband's penis. Perfectly sensible, if you ask me. So this spurs Em to want to take a trip to the Amazon for a cannibal expose so she does fuckey times with some guy and then there's a nun and  some more fuckey times and a bit more masturbation and maybe some interracial sex and some gore. By this point, I'm on at least my third to fifth glass of wine. And I may or may not have had a shot of bourbon. 
Basically, it comes down to this. Take out all the sex in a crappy Emanuelle movie and what do you have? A generic tale of a reporter uncovering something stupid to no end really. It's not like Emanuelle really ever helps anyone. Hell, she sexually molests a cannibal she is trying to interview. Em only perpetrates what she wants to perpetrate. She gets her pictures, gets fucked quite a bit (or is it she who is doing the fucking?) but we never get to see the outcome of her great articles. We know she's famous for these articles, but what comes of it? Really, at the end of the movie, we don't give a shit because this is a glorified skin flick. I don't know why I'm getting worked up about it, but Em's movies are not about helping others, they're about fucking. And sometimes gore too, this one had a bit of gore, quite a bit more than the others I've watched. I want badly to find meaning where there isn't any - although the merit here is obviously sex and gore. Basically, I guess it's all you need, sleaze and guts. 
I think my problem, I guess if I really have a problem, because I do love watching these movies, is that this shit tries to look more expensive than it is. It talks a sweet game but really, this is just the kind of movie people would congregate to go masturbate in a theatre too, which, by the way, is something that I'm obsessed with, the whole going to a theatre to masturbate phenomenon. While those 'types' of theatres on a whole don't exist much any more, I'd still like the option of going to a movie and being able to masturbate in peace. It's a nasty thought, a whole theatre of people masturbating, but I love it. Who knows for what reason. Oh, yeah, because it's shocking, ooh. If Joe D'Amato was still around (is he? I think he died in the 80's) he could send Em on a expedition to the Duece and she could uncover the seedy side of 42nd street. 
and is it just me, or is Laura Gemser way too fucking skinny? Her freakin' collar bone looks like it could cut you?
Okay, I'm officially off to Chicago for Weekend of Horrors. I haven't packed yet and the wine is a'flowing. I have to get up at 7 a.m. to catch my flight and hopefully the cats will be squared away and I won't be too hungover. I'm super excited to catch the I-talian panel with Dedato, I 'm sure I'll have lots and lots and lots of goodies to post on my return. 

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