Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Carnival Fetish

Don't those sheep just look like they are going to eat your soul? This is one of the many reasons I love the carnival. Soul-eating were-sheep (I wish! In my wildest dreams!), giant pumpkins, sideshow attractions (as they were), and lots of disgusting food. Last night, the ex and I embarked on our annual journey to the wonder that is known as the Virginia State Fair. I've been to the State Fair every year for as long as I can remember. And while it's not as great as it used to be- I can actually remember a midway where there was a 10-in-1 with the freaks outside and a barker and the whole deal and last year there was an airbrush tattoo booth where I got 'Lil' Sexy' 'tattooed' on my neck and this year it wasn't there (boo!) and you can't win Motley Crue mirrors at the games booths any more-but we had a good time anyway. Here's some of my pics from the fair. I totally would have taken more but my camera decided to stop working because of an exhausted battery. Fie on the battery operated cam
era! Onward - the fair!

Okay, you know these are going to be some big ass pumpkins if they need to say it twice:

And they were! Here's me with the winner - I think he weighed in at like 1400 pounds or something:

This pumpkin is a motherfucker:

Here's some more lovely, lovely giant pumpkins:

And here's me again:

The monkey maze. Every year they retool this attraction. It's basically a house of mirrors or a house of plexiglass that kinda resembles mirrors a little bit. I think last year it was had a dinosaur theme. Still cool, nonetheless.

Tiki Town. This is another one they retool every year. It's been at the fair since I was a kid. It had a generic funhouse theme forever. I like Tiki Town.

We had to check out Hercules, the giant horse. We always take it upon ourselves to see all the 'sideshow' attractions. Just cause.

Here's me with Hercules. He's a clydesdale, I believe. Not that exciting, really. Still, he's pretty big, I'm pretty small but I have on five inch platform boots in this picture. If that gives you some perspective.

Next up is Black Jack, the giant steer. Here's his hideout:

And here he is:

The World's Smallest Woman attraction. Last year, she was this chick Bruce knows from the post office or something. He actually recognized her. They had a conversation regarding this. Random.

The Snake Girl attraction. Every year we go see the snake girl. Every year we are disappointed. Still. We also checked out the live snake attraction, which was AWESOME. The albino python was freakin' gorgeous.

And no fair would be complete without me completely gorging on fried deliciousness. Last night I ate shrimp on stick, a chocolate banana on a stick, sweet potato fries, a corn dog (yes, it was on a stick) and an deep-fried alien on a bun:

Fun was had, but no rides were ridden, because seriously, who wants to ride something that's held together by duct tape after eating an alien sandwich? Not this girl. There's a picture of me eating that chocolate banana on a stick (literally), but it's a little x-rated. Use your imagination, you guys are a bunch of perverts. I know you.


  1. Looks like a great time was had by all! I too love the fair, although as I get older I find myself wanting to hold onto my money more than I want to ride the Pendulum of Death (it used to totally be the other way around). For people-watching there's no place like it--I need to take a camera next time and get shots of all the "witty" t-shirts various people are seen wearing. (Stuff like "It's not a beer belly, it's a gas tank for a love machine!", "Free Moustache Rides," etc.)

    I think the Arkansas State Fair had Hercules and Blackjack last year--or else some other freakishly large cattle. but that was it as far as sideshows went--no snake girl, no smallest woman alive, and certainly no pickled punks. :( Oh how I dream of going to just ONE carnival with a freakshow like Tobe Hooper's FUNHOUSE--which movie I love, far more than is probably warranted.

    As for Fair Food, there's just something about it, isn't there? I never eat corndogs, except when I'm at the fair--then I just MUST have one of those hand-dipped monsters. And they're always delicious. Given my diabetes, though, I've yet to sample deep-fried Twinkies and the like.

    Thanks for sharing the snaps--I feel almost as if I were there! Which explains my slight sense of vertigo...

  2. I so wish my camera hadn't conked out of me - there definitely would have been some good pics of my fellow fairgoers - mullets abound. I actually have a catalog of shirts like you describe - my favorites include 'What if I don't Want to Press 1 for English' and 'You Don't Get a Body Like This By Working Out' and 'I'm not a Gynecologist But I'll Take a Look.'

    Yeah, I too wish the fair was more like FUNHOUSE or even to a lesser extent, GHOULIES II, both of which I love, love, love. But it does always make me think of the Bikini Kill song 'Carnival.'

    I wanna go to the carnival
    But I know that it costs sixty dollars now
    I wanna go to the carnival
    Blah blah and then Kathleen Hanna shouts - I'll win that Motley Crue mirror if it fuckin' kills me!

    Brilliance! Any time I get to reference a Motley Crue mirror (not in lieu of doing cocaine) is a good time.

    So yeah, it was well worth it, even if I did have to run three extra miles at the gym today to work off all that fried goodness :)

  3. Wow Snake girls and giant pumpkins, let alone the prospect of food on sticks!! I am so jealous of American carnivals, especially seeing how ours are often just rip off traveling ones, were all the rides suck and the only freaky thing is the cackling old women, with nicotine stained fingers. who always seem to be running those hook a duck stalls.

  4. Looks awesome. Here in Iowa we don't have 'carnivals' so much as 'fairs', which I'd say are basically the same thing except without the freaks but with more livestock. At the fairgrounds, the "freaks" aren't on display, they're the ones who take your tickets and run the rides. Ha.

    But I, too, loved the old 80's metal band mirrors and the mid-sized Iron Maiden posters you could win by popping balloons. And funnel cake rules. The gf insists on funnel cake every time there's a fair, no matter how many flies you can see drowning in the batter. :)

  5. Dude, or dudette rather.. wait dudette sounds hella lame.. like using the word hella..

    You get a friggin angel snake woman and the worlds skinniest woman?? WTF?? We got the horse and steer in all their gigantuan glory, but I didnt get to see a single freak at the SD Faire, Im moving back east..

  6. Yep, the fair is loved by all. I do pine for the days where there was an actual freakshow - I was super drawn to that thing when I was a kid. The banners! I couldn't believe that there might be something resembling those banners going on right there inside that ripped fading tent.

    I remember this one year you could pay an extra fifty cents and go into a smaller tent next to the 10-in-1 and watch a guy put pins all through his arms and hammer nails into his nose. I was hooked ever since then on sideshows. I must've been like 8 or 9.

    Yeah, I did see all that shit when Jim Rose toured with Nine Inch Nails when I was a fledgling goth in the early nineties, but somehow the magic was lost. I mean, I appreciate Lifto and the Enigma and all those dudes, but without the grittiness of the midway and the shadiness of it all, it lost some of its appeal.

  7. Good stuff! I wanna do cocaine off of a Motley Crue mirror! Looks like you had fun and I'm glad you ended up going. The only thing you're missing is a chocolate banana. Hmmm....

  8. Will a Rolling Stones mirror suffice? It's the Tattoo You cover and a thrift store find. Good enough, right?

    and less said about the chocolate banana, the better :P

  9. Great pics. I love sideshows and fairs and sleazy carnivals. I even got rolled at one once.

    Big shame about lack of freaks in these joints. Unfortunately, modern medicine has put an end to John Merrick-style characters in the West, although Brazil can be counted on still for deformed babies and assorted colorful characters.

    Hercules is a classic. I love how they're marketing him.

  10. It's official. I have no life. This looks like SO MUCH FUN. I don't even know if they have fairs in Los Angeles, well, that are actually in LA. There's a few on the outskirts, but I'm too lazy to make the trip. Maybe I should.

  11. the sneering (homo-phobic) snobOctober 10, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    Jenn, with regards to your boots, when you pull them off do the jeans automatically come off with them?.

  12. Am I the only one that wanted to set Poor Hercules free. He's so big in ducjmh a little cage then tied to a pole. What kinda life is that for any animale. He looked so sad! Free Hercules!